Self-Realization

Today I saw myself in the mirror. I didn’t see what I look like, I saw MYSELF.

I saw the skin tag above my right eyebrow, the weird pigmentation on the sides of my cheeks, the mole on my double chin, and the scars around my mouth from my eating disorder.

I saw my makeup – the foundation I was able to buy because it was on clearance, my ivory eyeshadow that was combined with black eyeliner in my waterline and black mascara. I saw the bold lipstick that I don’t usually wear because of some lacking confidence (even though I can pull it off).

I saw the shirt with I bought in H&M, combined with a necklace that I bought in Forever 21, and the only pair of jeans that I have because my mattress has springs sticking out all over – therefore ruining every pair of bottoms that I wear.

I saw my beautiful brown eyes that compliment my peroxide-lightened curly hair that comes down to my shoulders. I saw all of my split ends and its strange length from when I cut it hella short after my 18th birthday.

I saw myself as an amazing writer with the passion I’ve had for singing. I saw myself as someone that rambles and geeks out over grammar way more than any other young adult you’ve ever met. I saw myself as someone who likes to draw and put on makeup.

I saw myself as the person who would rather pray for the woman who hit me than pray for myself. I saw myself as the person that will do anything to make my friend smile – even if they’re only mildly upset. I saw myself as the person that enjoys spilling tea and making up stories out of thin air about random characters in random settings.

I saw myself as the daughter of parents that were abused in one way or another and are trying their best to understand what is going on inside my head. I saw myself as the person that would rather walk half a mile to church than inconvenience someone to make the two minute drive to take me home.

I saw myself how the two people I would trust with my life see me. I saw myself how every person I have ever met sees me. I saw myself how God sees me.

Today I saw myself in the mirror, and it was liberating.

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